Ink Spattered Existence
by Wolfinny van Claudius
Summary: He used her to satisfy his own needs and left her with his StarClan forsaken consequences. Hollyleaf never wanted her own like that, never produced out of hopeless desire. The need to escape rises in her very being, uplifting her soul and feeding life into her dead spirit; the former ThunderClanner was going to do something wonderful, terrible; something idiotic. Two-shot.


"Don't leave me," her voice trembled as twin greens gazed hopelessly at the figure. "Everyone else is gone. I _need _you."

The dark grey-furred tom shook his head, figure tall and proud in the faint moonlight. "You only need me because _he _is gone," he pointed out bitterly, an edge to his velvety tones. "You know that as well as I do Holly. You've shunned me because of my heritage, taunted my mate even though she was the one who crouched by you endlessly for night after night. And now that he's left you with two kits you come to _me_?" Disbelief danced in amber hues.

She met his gaze steadily though her shoulders sunk.

He hissed, enraged by her stare. Pure rage set his eyes aflame as he thundered towards her, shadow weaving ominously with silver. "You have no right to look at me!" he growled, unsheathing his claws. "_You _caused this! Your actions forced Swane away and the humans took her!" Grief blurred his words.

The jet-black she-cat lowered her head, flinching from the venom seeping out of his being. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, voice rising. "I'm sorry for coming here. I'm sorry that I thought I found someone who loved me! I'm sorry for giving birth to kits! I _apologize_," she shrieked.

She snarled as the male began to move towards her. "Don't come near me! You've proven your point. Flicker never really loved me, I was a troublemaking, scheming cat to begin with. Do you have anything else to say?" she challenged, sorrow and hatred ripping through her soul.

"Holly–" he was cut off by a piercing wail.

"My name is Holly_leaf_. Not _Holly_! Stop it!" she yowled, digging her claws into the ground and tearing up pieces of land.

The smoky-furred tom gazed silently at the raving she-cat in front of him. "I will never forgive you for what you did," he began gravely, ignoring her cackling laugh. "But you have kits Holly"–he refused to acknowledge her protesting hiss–"and you must take care of them."

Hollyleaf disengaged her hold on the earth, eyes dark. "I cannot take care of them. I am not ready for children," her voice was lifeless, twin emeralds dead and dull.

"How can you be so selfish?" Disbelief and anger filled his voice.

The she-cat hissed sharply, jerking her head upwards. "_Selfish_?!" she growled, rage and upset searing through her voice. "I have been used and thrown away by the only cat I thought I loved, Finn."

Finn's lower teeth sunk into his bottom lip as she continued relentlessly. "That _foul _beast has satisfied himself and left me the consquences of his actions–a litter of three StarClan accursed kits!" A slight sob broke her mew.

The shadow-furred male's gaze softened. "Holly," he began gently, wondering whether she was mentally stable. "He isn't like that no matter what he did. There must have been reasons," he reminded her calmly, mollifying his tone.

The slender she-cat shook her head, fur clinging to her frame as she bowed her head. "Goodnight Finn," she murmured spiritlessly, skulking into the hollowed out space in a pile of logs.

"'Night," he called as the black swallowed her petite form.

His orbs left the den and returned to the sky, dread pooling in his heart.

Finn knew that something was amiss–that whether he would like it or not Hollyleaf would do something irrational and idiotic; something utterly life changing.

* * *

Soft grey light blotted out the stars as predawn arrived and the black she-cat rose from her dreamless slumber. Her greens scanned the area fleetingly, well trained nose scenting the air expertly as she wove her way towards the back of her home.

Nothing. Finn's scent was stale–he had left. _They all_ _do_, she thought resentfully.

Her paws glided above the cracked, hard floor spattered with wooden splinters from the rotting pile of logs she had made her haven in. As she neared the end of the den her paws slowed, crashing to a halt abruptly.

Hollyleaf inhaled sharply. "Face your punishment," she commanded herself. Her gaze hardened; night-coloured paw leading her into the left corner.

A cluster of sleeping, wriggling bodies met her sight. A tangle of dark fur, fragile frames and half slitted eyes with soft pink noses.

They were vile.

She pitied the newborns. They were brought into the world lovelessly; by greed and pure, untamable lust. They would never know the fierce indestructible love of a queen; the proud, watchful gaze of a father.

A pang of regret rocketed through her. She had imagined raising a family with a loving mate so many times. Her forest-leaf orbs would meet her partner's loving gaze and he would whisper words meant only for her in her ear. It had contained none of this remorse, this heartache and pain.

Hollyleaf wondered if this was how Leafpool had felt when she gave birth to her kits on that frigid, snowy morning–isolated and away from the rest of the Clan. Rejected and abandoned–hopeless and vulnerable.

Pure sorrow and despair; despair for her kittens so alone and lost in a world poisoned by the piercing fangs of lies and tainted love.

However her mother had stayed. Never relinquished her place among her kind to stray from her terrifying mistake. She was vigilant even when her heart shattered and broke into a million fragments as her children turned against her and called another their mother.

That was the difference between Leafpool and Hollyleaf.

Leafpool had stayed while Hollyleaf already knew what she was going to do.

She was going to leave; race far away from the land of mistakes and fabricated love.

Her back turned, feet poised to carry her away from her creations when a squeal broke the silence.

She whirled around, greens large in surprise as a tiny charcoal-colored kit squirmed away from the two, blinking open two huge amber eyes at her.

_His _eyes.

It took a moment for Hollyleaf to take flight, pink pads gliding through the air with speed as she ran away from the battlefield–the place of affection and fabrication and lies but also of hope and possibilities._  
_

The grey smoky fingers of fog embraced the graceful inky form as she fled back to the place where a large, shining mirror lay surrounded by many cats both familiar and strange.


End file.
